This page gives christian sex education for children from 16 years of age. This information is about what is permitted and not within a marriage, viewing pornography, sex during the menstruation, oral e anal sex, Sadomasochism (SM), sexual games, friendship between man and woman when married.


Source: John Edens translated from Dutch



Many couples wonder what one is allowed to do and what you cannot do within the marriage. Is oral sex good, and with mutual approval of both partners is anal intercourse allowed? Or what about SM games?
A lot of people already have made as a couple their choices, but others are still searching for the truths from the Bible. I can also very well imagine that this kind of topics you will not discuss with everyone. It is good that there is this kind of studies, so that your questions may be answered.
Let me tell you first, what you do within the marriage, that is entirely your responsibility and towards God. What I describe here is my vision on the wedding and I hope, with this study, to give you directives for your wedding. In this study, it is not described what you can and cannot do outside of marriage. This study is therefore not meant for people who are dating.
However you may read this study, in order to discuss with your future partner and to be clear about the issues in this study.

Marriage is holy

Marriage is a reflection of Jesus and His Church. That is why the Bible says "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for God will judge the immoral and adulterous." (Hebrews 13:4).
We must understand that God created marriage as very sacred. Jesus says about a couple that comes together, "and He said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder."(Mat 19:5-6).
And we also read what God says about marriage "For I hate divorce, says the LORD the God of Israel, and covering one's garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So take heed to yourselves and do not be faithless.' (Mal. 2:16).

Well this study is not about divorce, but you can conclude, how holy God thinks about marriage, He does not want us to get into divorced because the marriage is holy. This also means that the things that take place within marriage, should be looked at with good views whether this things are also holy.
In the book Song of Solomon, Solomon says the following: "Catch us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom."
A vineyard is a safe place. The foxes are the tiny sins which are in our lives. In other words, if your marriage is a flourishing vineyard which is to honor and glory of God, we need to remove all the dastardly (small) foxes out of our marriage, which may destroy the vineyard.

Mutual consent

The Bible teaches us that by mutual consent, we can consume marriage and intimacy. "Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreement for a season, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, lest Satan tempt you through lack of self-control." (1 Cor. 7:5).
This verse indicates that both partners agree about any sexual activity they undertake. The only danger in this verse is, "refuse". There are people who, on the basis of this verse, think therefore also all within marriage is allowed to do. In this way they try to enforce things upon their partner to do so. Therefore, let us look at a few things.
One of the things that is NOT allowed within a marriage, is adultery. Here, the Bible is very clear about, it is sin, even if both people in a marriage relationship mutual consented. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from unchastity; 4 that each one of you know how to take a wife for himself in holiness and honor, 5 not in the passion of lust like heathen who do not know God." (1 Tess 4:3-5).
All forms of adultery, whether it's swinging, changing of partners, prostitution, or an extra boyfriend added to your wedding, it remains sin and stems from our flesh. "Now the works of the flesh are plain: fornication, impurity, licentiousness" (Gal. 5:19).
It is something where you are need to stay far off. God is Holy, you are holy and the marriage is sacred. "But fornication and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is fitting among saints." (Eph. 5:3).
God does not want us to invite another in our marriage bed and the Bible is very definite about that each person is only allowed to have only one partner of the other sex. "But because of the temptation to immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband." (1 Cor. 7:2).

Viewing pornography

A great excuse used to view pornography, is to get new inspiration. Although often this exists from the man, there are plenty of women who have no problem with this and viewing together. Viewing pornography is a sin, whether it only happens alone or together with your partner. Help each other in love to stay away when one of the partners cannot stay away from viewing, but never consented your partner to look at or viewing this together.
The Bible very clearly says in Matthew 5:28: "But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." These words are very clear and make it clear that pornography does not belong within a marriage.
1 John 2:16: "For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the pride of life, is not of the Father but is of the world."
Do not be fooled by watching pornography or female-friendly pornography, because all such things are snares of the devil to get you and your marriage in his power. If you once started with it, then it may be that you enter under a curse. That is what the Bible teaches.
2 Peter 2:14: "They have eyes full of adultery, insatiable for sin. They entice unsteady souls. They have hearts trained in greed. Accursed children!"

Menstruation period

Lev. 18:19 "You shall not approach a woman to uncover her nakedness while she is in her menstrual uncleanness."
In another verse, the Bible cites this again and also informs to what do with the man and woman if this occurs.
Lev. 20:18 "If a man lies with a woman having her menstruation period, and uncovers her nakedness, he has made naked her fountain, and she has uncovered the fountain of her blood; both of them shall be cut off from among their people."
Well, we must of course not going to throw stones at each other, but this clearly shows that this does not belong within a marriage.

Oral Sex

This topic is difficult to answer. Because the Bible does not give a clear answer to.
At a "Christian" website I came across a biblical statement why oral sex and swallowing the seed would be good.
Science claimed that sperm can be good for your body. The substances present in sperm, have a very positive effect on our skin. In seed are many valuable nutrients, such as enzymes, proteins and zinc. Spermidine helps to keep his face more youthful. It stimulates the cell renewal in the skin and keeps longer existing cells. However, you can also ingest spermidine dose by eating grapefruits, wheat germ or soy beans. Therefore you do not need male seeds!
Do not let you ne misguided by this error!

Swallowing seed, or letting the man seed come into the mouth of the woman, is however, something what a Christian should not do! The mouth is not created to get sperm in the mouth. In the liberation procedure, different people were liberated free from demons, after confessing this act. They got retching liberation of unclean spirits because they had had sperm in the mouth or having swallowed it.

Sadomasochism (SM)

SM is getting sexually excited by another through humiliations or hurting. It is a violent way of sex experience that total does not correspond to how the Bible thinks about the place of sex within marriage. Have intercourse with each other within the marriage, is an image of community among themselves as brothers and sisters. As we interact with each other, in a church, so we must also in the marriage with each other. 1 Peter 4:8 "Above all hold unfailing your love for one another, since love covers a multitude of sins".
This means that we have the best for the other partner and have to deal with each other with great care. That includes no violence, hurting or humiliation at each other!
1 Peter 3:7 "Likewise you husbands, live considerately with your wives, bestowing honor on the woman as the weaker sex, since you are joint heirs of the grace of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered".
I believe, that when you enter in this area, and allows this within your marriage, this rather effects your life of faith. Within the church hurting each other consciously with mutual consent is rather crooked with what Jesus taught. So, would hurting each other with mutual consent within marriage now altogether be something else?
If someone is attracted to, one needs to question from where this comes from. Where are the roots that you love to do this? Do not allow things taking place within the marriage which are brought into the world by the devil.

Anal sex

There are some "Christian" websites that use the following Bible text Titus 1:15 "To the pure all things are pure". This Bible text is used to approve anal sex. But do not mistaking, this is a great deception!
The Bible says in Lev. 18:22 "You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination."
This we shows already clearly that anal sex is forbidden (an abomination).
When you read the title of Leviticus 18, then this is what it says: "Provisions and rules for the holy people". These kinds of rules are drawn up by God in order to live a holy life. Anal sex, even if there is mutual agreement, is NOT Holy.
If you just read a little further in Leviticus 18:24-26 you also get an explanation why anal sex is not good. "Do not defile yourselves by any of these things, for by all these the nations I am casting out before you defiled themselves; and the land became defiled, so that I punished its iniquity, and the land vomited out its inhabitants. But you shall keep my statutes and my ordinances and do none of these abominations, either the native or the stranger who sojourns among you".
How tempting it may seem, stay away from it. Also at liberation procedure by some people, is announced by the Holy Spirit, that anal sex had taken place in the ancestry. Homosexual in offspring is one of the possible consequences!

The practicing of anal sex has destroyed entire cities! And so it can do to your family. Let us look at the history of Lot.
In Genesis 14 first we read the next. "... war broke out between them and Bera King of Sodom, Birsa King of Gomorrah ..." (Gen. 14:2).
When you looked at the names of these Kings and these places then you already learn in what place Lot lived.
Bera="in anger", "son of evil". Sodom="burning".
Birsa="unjust"/"in wickedness". Gomorrah="dipping".
No nice place to live. A country that was full of wickedness and evil. The people who lived there, knew of no laws and rules. And right there you see that anal sex was quite common. Homosexuality had every man in his grip. May be surrendered from parents to children.
A few chapters further (Gen. 19:4-5), we continue reading "But before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, both young and old, all the people to the last man, surrounded the house; and they called to Lot, "Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us, that we may know them." (may know them=having sexual intercourse with them).
These cities were destroyed by God for that reason. You may clearly conclude from this that anal sex does not belong within a marriage. This is lawless and unholy! By these practices, the land of Sodom and Gomorrah become unclean. Peter repeats this later, that these people were lawless. "He (God) rescued righteous Lot, greatly distressed by the licentiousness of the wicked" (2 Peter 2:7).

Who deals with anal sex, even within marriage, cast gates open for demons! Stay away from it, not using the excuse, "Yes, but we do so with a condom". With or without a condom, it makes no difference for the evil. This also applies to anal sex and for the menstrual period. Not everything that has the name sex is clean!

Sexual games

What about toys that are used during intercourse. Also, this is a topic where many Christian has questions about. In 2012 an erotic website was launched aimed at Christians. "The vision of Marc Angenent, who had been trained as a sexual coach, stated that "sexual pleasure is created by God." Vulgar and primitive sex (where the pornography industry is plenty of) changed in qualitative and creative intimate pleasures "is his motto".
Their vision is that on their own site they do not place pornographic images. But all attributes which are also available in any sex shop, they also sold. If only the pictures are the only difference, then I do not see what else may be, than what the world has to offer. As I pointed out above, when it comes to anal sex, even this kind of attributes which are made especially for the anus, for sale to women and men!
Do not be tempted because it states Christian or because this man is a preacher. In an interview with a newspaper, Marc Angenent answers to the question:
"What Christian sex products are allowed and which are not?
His answer: "I honestly have to say, I must still learn. It is, of course, all new and I append this, it is not my main task".
Question: "In what then differs your sex shop exactly? Enders and vibrators are also sold in all other online sex shops. His answer: "the language is not offensive."
Hereby he himself indicates that he also do not know exactly what is allowed and what is not. He has never examined the Bible. And what is not offensive, you can also put to question. Only the names, tells me already enough of the stuff they offer. "butt-ins, vibrators, Naughty Boy prostate, Penis ring, Strap-On Desai (as wife to wear to have intercourse in the anus of (her) husband).
Are these the attributes which a Christian must have?
I think that when you are a bit bored with each other, and the love is cooled down, that you can better examine why this occurred. How is your relationship with Jesus?
Ask God to bring in again fire in your relationship. Buying toys and use, will not stir up this fire, but opposite extinguish that fire. Because this also is going to be bored. When you ask God to stir up again the love between two partners, then the Bible tells that God will light up the fire again. The fire of love by God is not for sale! "Let it be as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is strong as death, jealousy is cruel as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, a most vehement flame. 7 Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, it would be utterly scorned" (Song of Salomon 8:6-7).

We need to be very vigilant about is what the Bible says:
"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God? You are not your own." (1 Corinthians 6:19).
It may be clear that we cannot be careful enough. Within marriage, you may enjoy each other. But using attributes, seems to me not something which honors marriage.
When you use sex attributes, your body becomes accustomed to it! How is it possible for your partner to match? Or what do you think of jealousy? You think only that we are dealing with dildos, but what do you think of sex dolls for men? What would a woman think of when her husband has sex with a doll?
It is quite clear that sex toys always have been a part of the pornography industry. And then something of the world, going to make "Holy", seems to me a bit excessive, if you really want to have a good relationship with Jesus.
Do not let yourself be carried away by the things of the world and false teachers who proclaim that all is good.

Friendship within marriage

My last advice, is about friendships. Of course it is good to have friendships. David says about his best friend Jonathan, "My brother Jonathan; very pleasant have you been to me; your love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women." (2 Sam. 1:26).
Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."
It may be clear that the Bible supports friendships. However, you are strongly encouraged to have a friend of the same sex in order you can discuss problems or other things with each other. You can help each other and pray for each other.
But what about friendships of the opposite sex?
My advice is to be very careful in this. You do not have to be jealous when your partner is just talking to someone of the opposite sex for a few minutes. But it would be very advisable not to talk with someone of the opposite sex when your marriage is at stress. Unless the appointment is with the three of you.
Once I had contact with a married person, who had a friendship relationship with someone of the opposite sex. That person told me that he considered it normally and that it had to be possible. It turned out later, that both persons, who both were married, had sexual acts with each other. The marriages stranded.
Another person told me, that the partner shared intimate things with a friend of the opposite sex, who should actually have been shared with the own partner. By discussing these intimate things to that third person, a relationship raised between those two people. The marriages stranded.
Again another person told me that not much was discussed within the marriage. On intimate terms they shared nothing with each other and they also did not inform each other what they liked. By the lack of discussing with the partner, they looked outside for someone to talk with. This ended in adultery. Again, the marriage ended.
The Bible says in 1 Peter 5:8 "Be sober, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking some one to devour."
Therefore is my advice, do not enter into chat conversations or dates with the opposite sex without that your partner is present or also can read it. When you are the one, who may proclaim the word of God and someone of the opposite sex would absolutely talk with you, make sure your partner is present, or have the door widely open so people can watch you two remotely. When it turns into an intimate conversation, just ask someone to join in. Man and woman are one in the marriage, so being three persons it is not. Persons of the same sex, of course, 1 on 1 are no problem (however be careful that the other person is not homosexual. What happened once in my converstaion). Your intentions may be good, but probably not those of another one. Or what about other people who see you with someone else?
What happens when persons go gossiping about something you did not intend at all? Many a marriage is stranded by this.

Be very vigilant in this and give sin no chance. You may think that will not happen to me, but the devil is very smart. This is God's warning to Cain "If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is couching at the door; its desire is for you, but you must master it." (Gen. 4:7).

What if?

PrayerIf after reading this study, you have come to the conclusion that certain things should not have happen and you would like clean this up in your life through prayer, then just confess the things that have taken place before for your marriage or during your marriage. Appoint them by name, and put away. Ask God to forgive you and to liberate you from the wrong issues.
God is merciful to forgive you!
Proverbs 28:13 "He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy."

Be faithful towards each other in everything and look for each other's love and affection. Avoid fornication and walk away from worldly things.